When I became a mother in the summer of 2006, I learned two things.One, everyone would assume I knew what I was doing. After all, children were my business and it was my business to know children. I have a certificate that says so. I almost convinced myself that those people were right, but as I found out, a nanny and a mother are not the same thing. A nanny can leave at the end of the day, a mother cannot. A nanny leaves her concerns for the day at the door, a mothers worries are never done. A nanny worries about what one mother thinks, a mother worries about what every mother thinks. I had some idea of what it was like to be a mother, but those were just guidelines.
The second thing I learned is how hard we as mothers are on each other. Praising another mother one second, then judging her choice the next. Convincing ourselves what we are doing is right, then second guessing ourselves all the way. We are never content and rarely are we completely certain. Sometimes I wonder if this will ever change.
Experience has helped me con cure the ups & downs of parenting, while I think my recent move to Dallas has helped me with the latter. In Beaverton, I felt rather like a lone parent, most my friends being at a different stage in their lives. I had to deal with the pressures of motherhood all my own. In Dallas, I am engulfed with parents. My own parents, my husbands parents, grandparents. Mothers my age, many I knew from high school, before motherhood ruled our lives. Mothers at the playground, mothers at church, mothers at MOPS. Forming friendships and connections with so many other mothers has helped me realize I need not be so hard on myself and my decisions I make as a parent.
I've learned that as mothers, we all feel the same basic emotions, and fear the same things. We are all afraid of being judged by the other. In living here, I have learned their are things as a mother I am good at, things I want to be good at and admire in other mothers, and things I can admit I'm not good at and will let go of. I call it my mother list. I recommend every mother have one, just so they remind themselves it's OK to be a goddess in the kitchen, but not enjoy building Lego's with their son. It's OK to be the animated night time storyteller and tucker-inner but just not good at getting the laundry put away in a timely manner. At least it's clean-this week! As mothers, we worry way too much about thetiniest details of our everyday lives (I'm guilty!) that we forget to enjoy the time we have with our children. We forget that other mothers are our biggest supporters, not our enemies.
This year for me (so far) has been about learning what kind of mother I am, and I am glad to have the support of other mothers in my community as I grow,change, learn and adjust. Being a mother is no easy job, but another thing I have learned is I'm never really alone in this adventure called motherhood.
My Mother List
As a mother I enjoy:
~ Planning outings, play dates & parties
~ Cuddles & leisurely feedings
~ Re-living my childhood
~ Being my children's best teacher
As a mother I want to work on:
~ Feeling OK with "mess" & "clutter"
~ Keeping a clean car
~ Getting outside as much as I should with the kids
As a mother I'm OK with:
~ Being flexible @ bedtime
~ Not having enough time for myself
~ Getting behind on my chores
As a mother I am good at:
~ Home cooked, well planned meals
~ Spending quality unstructured time with my kids
~ Planning ahead/ being timely
~ Never taking my children or good fortune for granted
~ I am a multitasking QUEEN
The second thing I learned is how hard we as mothers are on each other. Praising another mother one second, then judging her choice the next. Convincing ourselves what we are doing is right, then second guessing ourselves all the way. We are never content and rarely are we completely certain. Sometimes I wonder if this will ever change.
Experience has helped me con cure the ups & downs of parenting, while I think my recent move to Dallas has helped me with the latter. In Beaverton, I felt rather like a lone parent, most my friends being at a different stage in their lives. I had to deal with the pressures of motherhood all my own. In Dallas, I am engulfed with parents. My own parents, my husbands parents, grandparents. Mothers my age, many I knew from high school, before motherhood ruled our lives. Mothers at the playground, mothers at church, mothers at MOPS. Forming friendships and connections with so many other mothers has helped me realize I need not be so hard on myself and my decisions I make as a parent.
I've learned that as mothers, we all feel the same basic emotions, and fear the same things. We are all afraid of being judged by the other. In living here, I have learned their are things as a mother I am good at, things I want to be good at and admire in other mothers, and things I can admit I'm not good at and will let go of. I call it my mother list. I recommend every mother have one, just so they remind themselves it's OK to be a goddess in the kitchen, but not enjoy building Lego's with their son. It's OK to be the animated night time storyteller and tucker-inner but just not good at getting the laundry put away in a timely manner. At least it's clean-this week! As mothers, we worry way too much about thetiniest details of our everyday lives (I'm guilty!) that we forget to enjoy the time we have with our children. We forget that other mothers are our biggest supporters, not our enemies.
This year for me (so far) has been about learning what kind of mother I am, and I am glad to have the support of other mothers in my community as I grow,change, learn and adjust. Being a mother is no easy job, but another thing I have learned is I'm never really alone in this adventure called motherhood.
My Mother List
As a mother I enjoy:
~ Planning outings, play dates & parties
~ Cuddles & leisurely feedings
~ Re-living my childhood
~ Being my children's best teacher
As a mother I want to work on:
~ Feeling OK with "mess" & "clutter"
~ Keeping a clean car
~ Getting outside as much as I should with the kids
As a mother I'm OK with:
~ Being flexible @ bedtime
~ Not having enough time for myself
~ Getting behind on my chores
As a mother I am good at:
~ Home cooked, well planned meals
~ Spending quality unstructured time with my kids
~ Planning ahead/ being timely
~ Never taking my children or good fortune for granted
~ I am a multitasking QUEEN
No comments:
Post a Comment